Day 93: Saturday, June 11, 2011

On the train this evening, there was a point where I thought I couldn’t function. My brain and body just burned out. I felt like I couldn’t go on… go on to the party that I had promised to go to… go on talking to acquaintances and strangers… and go on pretending to be sane and happy…. but the train arrived at my transfer point and my body automatically got up and out.

I’m lovesick and it sucks... I thought I got over the girl since I realized that even if she did like me, it could never work out, but she called me the other night for a drink, and I saw her… and even though it was awkward and there was nothing really to talk about… even after I saw her to her house and then walked home alone again, I got sucked back in. And everyday I feel like it’s empty and that my life is drained out of me...

While waiting for the next train, my friend Sayaka called asking me if I had arrived to the party yet, and thankfully hearing her voice helped bring me back to reality.

After the party, while I was alone in my kitchen waiting for my frozen pizza to be done, I realized that I am in no shape to date anyone.