Day 335: Friday, February 10, 2012

I feel like I have nothing to write or photograph anymore. After being locked up in my house for the past month and a half editing Modern Times, I finally began forcing myself to take walks, but always come back frustrated with barely any pictures taken. I have no idea how to keep T.B. interesting for one more month- let alone one more year. I guess the question is how do you keep passion going after so long?

I’ve been reading a Japanese comic about wheelchair basketball where a high school kid, who got into a car accident, is now coming to terms with the fact that he can no longer use his legs. Before the accident, he was the biggest asshole who had ever lived, but afterwards, as the story progresses, he gradually becomes humble and a human being once again... Lying in his hospital bed at night, the kid keeps reliving memories about his father and how they played basketball together when he was a child and he finally realizes that after his dad had abandoned him and his mother, even though he had always continued playing and eventually became the star of his high school basketball team, it was no longer any fun- he had just been going through the steps. Now when he no longer can play, he lives and breathes it. Eventually he will play wheelchair basketball and his team will probably win the championship, which the story has been building up too, but the comic hasn’t gotten that far yet.



This afternoon I introduced my publisher and the gallerist to each other since last week I changed my mind and decided to do Modern Times instead of Talking Barnacles for my exhibition. When the meeting was over and I was walking my publishers to the station, they asked me if I could choose, who would I want to do a talk event with at my exhibition. As I tried to think of someone famous- since they wanted someone famous- I realized that I no longer had any heroes… I was blank.

Afterwards I had nothing that pressing to do and nowhere to go, so I just wandered. I finished my exhibition plan this morning, which I had been stressing about and I thought I would feel better than I had this past month, but I don’t. While I was wandering, I realized that pretty much my dream was coming true- I had my first book coming out as well as my first legit photo show in a major gallery, but for some reason, I was not happy. I was much happier when I first started Barnacles after the madness of the first week and when we came back to Tokyo from visiting Yuki’s parents. I walked around with a purpose- as if God was shining a light on me- and I was filled with inspiration, which is something that is hard to come by.

When the sun was going down, I gave up on taking photos and headed home. While cutting across Yoyogi Park, I noticed something in the distance that caught my eye...



... and as I got closer, I realized that I had found what I was looking for. Unsurprisingly, his painting wasn't very good, but it wasn't about his skill or talent that had moved me, but something much more basic. When I left, he was still painting.