Day 365: Friday, March 9, 2012

I heard that many people have been discussing on the internet where they should be on March 11. Actually I’ve been asking myself the same question too.

Up until three days ago, I had been really depressed to the point where suicide crossed my mind a few times. It’s embarrassing to admit especially because I don’t have any real/substational problems in my life right now as well as the fact the anniversary of the quake is looming, which, in a way, is also the anniversary of the all people whom had died that didn’t want to die… ... But still, for the first time this year, I was almost to the point where I could not function. Even all the wonderful things that I have been working so hard on- my first book as well as my first major exhibition and on top of that the results of the Guggenheim fellowship, which are all happening next month- lost all meaning in the emptiness that was over taking me at that time. Luckily, when you finally hit rock bottom, the next day always feels brighter. I’m okay now. Honest.

My friends have been asking me for the past two weeks to go with them to Kyoto this weekend. Even though I know I really need to get away, I feel obligated to stay because this is where it all began. Only two days left to the anniversary of the quake. Whether Barnacles will actually end or not, I still don’t know… And if I were to stay for Barnacles sake, what would I do? Should I stay in my neighborhood, go back to where I was when it happened, or go to some stupid party? After writing this down, it all seems so forced…

I’m leaving.